I've Never Chewed Gum

DISCLAIMER: NO DOGS WILL BE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS BLOG.

I first had the idea for this blog in March of 2010, while I was living in South Korea.  I had just started dating this American, and she liked to try all kinds of food.  She loved Korean food.  On the other hand, I did not like to try new food and I also wasn’t the biggest fan of Korean food.  The idea was that she would get me to try all of this Korean food, only I wouldn’t know what it was until after I had finished eating it.  With how picky an eater I was (and am) I figured that this would be really funny (her laughing at me while I was eating gave me the idea).  All this was going to lead up to her birthday when I was going to try eating dog meat (they serve it there) and live octopus.  To make a long story short, we stopped dating before her birthday and I never tried eating dog or live octopus.  To quote a cliché, “I had dodged a bullet”.

Looking back I guess it was kind of a shame that I never got to try all of those new foods, especially since I am such a picky eater.  To prove it, here are some examples:

I’ve never chewed gum in my life.  EVER.  I think gum is disgusting and I will never chew gum.  I was once offered a hundred dollars to chew a piece of gum for 5 minutes and I turned it down.  Under no circumstances will I ever chew a piece of gum. 

I’ve never once had a piece of pie or a perogie.

I went my first 5 weeks in Korea without trying Korean food.  In 9 months living in Korea, I only tried Korean food about 8 times.  When I left the country (the first time – I would later return) I had no idea how to use chop sticks.

In 2010 I spent a week in Thailand and I only ate Thai food 3 times.  The rest of the time I ate burgers and fries, like a good North American tourist.

I think I’m the only child ever to say no to pizza.  When I finally tried pizza I didn’t have any toppings on it, just sauce.  At least I was able to gradually outgrow this one, though til this day I never put anything more than sauce, cheese, and pepperoni on my pizza.  All those other toppings are for wackos.

I DON’T LIKE BACON.  I’ll repeat that for you if you are still in shock or can’t believe what you just read.  I don’t like bacon, in fact, I have no idea why anyone likes bacon.  I mean really, rest of the world.  REALLY?

I also don’t like gravy and I’ve only ever had poutine once in my life, and French fries are my favourite food.  The one time I did have poutine, it was Canada Day, and I was in Korea at the Canadian bar in Itaewon (Rocky Mountain Tavern, the same place I watched the gold medal hockey game where Crosby scored the gold medal winning goal, ya country of ungrateful hockey fans) This is also one of the very few time in my life where I have actually kind of, sort of, enjoyed listening to the music of the Tragically Hip in the background - it was Canada Day and I was feeling nostalgic)

STILL NOT CONVINCED?  Here is a list of things I would rather do than try a new food:

I would rather go to church with my mom.  I haven’t been to church in about 25 years and I couldn’t be happier.  Sundays used to be my least favourite day of the week.

I would rather learn how to speak a new language.  I lived in Korea for three years yet I can barely say two words of Korean, or Hangul as they call it.  I never learned to read the Korean alphabet, even though it is written phonetically and there are no ambiguous spellings or pronunciations of letters.  To put it simply, the language is written as it sounds and my friends have told me that it only takes a few hours to learn it.  In 3 years, I was not able to find these few hours.

Mow the lawn. (or do any kind of physical labour)

Jog 3 miles.  I am proud of the fact that I run a lot, but make no mistake about it, running is not a fun thing to do. 

Try to convince my 67 year old father that he should quit smoking tobacco, like I recently did.  Make no mistake about it, my father is set in his ways and one of the most sensitive, button pushing issues with him is smoking.  While staying with me at my apartment in Korea my father was upset because I would not allow him to smoke there.  It was my roof so it was my rules.  (I also had my parents do my chores like washing my dishes, doing my laundry, and vacuuming the floor.)

Finally, I would rather write this long, perhaps deliberately misleading blog post about trying new foods and not try any new foods.  Is this a cop out?  I don’t think so.  Stay tuned for my next blog entry where I will try pie and perogies for the first time.

Cheers,

Rymr.